Welcome professional comedian (if you are not a professional comedian, but simply the class clown, please exit and return when you achieve professional status, which means that (a) you were paid by your classmates to start acting normal, (b) you received detention for the tenth time for bursting your tenth whoopee cushion at assembly, or (c) you graduated from high school, college, and law school before chucking it all for the thrill of an open mike appearance where you sweated profusely, puked in the green room, and screwed up the punchline to your best joke, which actually sucked.) to Stand Up Stuff, the only ad specialty company in the world that specializes in servicing the comedy community. Following is a form letter that explains what we are all about. Give it a read and give us a call or E-mail us at email@example.com with your questions.
Dear Your Name "Here",
....As you have probably guessed by the salutation this is a form letter, and after all it's in a web site not an envelope in your mail box, so what else could it be. Many of you already know me, but for those who don't, I was the senior booking agent for Creative Entertainment from 1989 thru most of 1996. Senior means I was the one with the gray hair.
....Before leaving Creative I noticed a nationwide trend; many week long rooms were cutting back a day, most tours were losing days, and special events were becoming more scarce than good reviews for a John Tesh concert. Because of this trend a lot of comedians were acquiring second jobs, driving instead of flying to gigs, and practicing writing letters that start out," Dear Mom and Dad, I know I'm not in college anymore but..."
....As a means of creating extra income many comedians began to sell merchandise after their shows. Most who offer T-shirts and other items, sell enough to make a serious dent in road expenses, and benefit from the results of self promotion. Nothing beats a walking endorsement.
....Stand Up Stuff can help you ease the financial burden of the road. My wife Nancy and I had been supplying T-shirts to comedians part time since 1989. In the fall of 1997 we incorporated and now offer a full line of ad specialty items and the services that go along with them. Besides T-shirts we offer a line of other garments including caps, sweatshirts, huggers, whips, chains, leather underwear (OK, just checking to see if you were still awake).
....Our prices are very competitive, but more importantly we excel in giving great service. You order the shirts and we keep them in storage until you need them. Give me a date and an address and your shirts will be waiting for you when you arrive. On second thought, don't give me a date, my wife will kill me. Ba da boom. (All right I'm done shifting tenses and pronouns.)
....We currently service fifty-eight comedians and have set a goal of doubling those numbers by the end of 2006. We've sold shirts to Eddie Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and Steve Martin, but Brooks Brothers wouldn't give us raises, so we left and went into the comedy business. I know, I know, don't quit our day jobs. Well, we won't have to if you will give me or Nancy a call and put in an order, or at least ask for details. How can it hurt? Outside of dialing our fax number instead of our phone number and having to listen to that awful screech noise, it can't. So, if you have an idea for a design, give us a call or, if you have no clue whatsoever, still give us a call and we will assist you through the process from concept to finished product. We have three artists in captivity - Whip! Snap! "Down boy, sit! Good artist. Now go out and create and don't eat any more crayons."
....In the meantime check out the following, which will probably answer most of your questions. Thanks and keep 'em laughing. Hope to hear from you soon.
What kind of T-shirts do you sell?
We sell 100% heavyweight
cotton Gildan 6.1 oz. T's. However, we also have available to us shirts by Hanes,
Fruit of the Loom, Jerzees, Lee, or any other brand you may prefer.
How much do you charge
There are ten factors in determining
price; quantity, # of colors, # of print locations, and color of the shirt,
among others. After determining your ten factors the price of a shirt generally
falls between $3.50 and $5.85 each.
Question: How much does it
cost to get started? Answer: If you have camera ready
art, there is a nominal art to film charge that varies from one design
to the next and a one time only charge of $25 per screen. If you
need art, it generally runs between $50 and $350 depending on your design
and the complexities of the concept.
What if I already
sell T-shirts; will it cost me the same for screens?
Answer: There are two levels of discounts,
call for details.
Question: How do I pay for everything?
Answer: The screen, art to film, and
any original art is paid for at the time you sign off on the artwork. The
shirts are paid for at the time the order is placed with, cash, check, money order, or with a
credit card. (Visa / MasterCard)
Question: What if I don't have enough money to get started? Answer: In order to help comedians get started I will sell as few as 48 shirts for a first time order. If a comedian puts 100% of the money from his/her sales back into more shirts, then they will quickly be able to purchase enough shirts at price break levels (144 and 288) without having to take out a loan or going into savings. All it takes is discipline.
Question: How quickly can I get shirts? Answer: With camera ready artwork it generally takes 18 days from confirmed order to shipment. Repeat orders can be completed in 10 days if the printers are not backed up with other's orders.
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